Suzie died this afternoon.

When I was at the mall. I thought she was getting better, I can't remember anything at the moment. Hugging her, her ruff of fur, her soft ears, her doe eyes. Nothing. It's all gone in this gaping hole. I can't remember her bad breath, or her bark, or anything. It's all gone. I've never had death touch me this way before, and I know it's better for her, but it's hell for me.

It seems impossible to me that the world is going on and is happy. She was supposed to be there when I graduate, her death was supposed to be an abstract concept not this reality. She was supposed to be at my field hockey games tomorrow. She wasn't supposed to die!